Asserting my Authority

I am a fairly passive person, or rather, I am a very passive person who avoids confrontation at all costs. If I get a whiff of simmering trouble to come I take evasive, self protective measures which include the following: hinting at and alluding to problems rather than addressing them head on; kindly agreeing with whom I am speaking with even though I strongly disagree; and finally, I run away (I have never done this, but I could see myself doing it). Now, it should be noted that within the confines of the protective nest that is academia (which include in class discussions and other mediated group settings) I have been known to throw caution to the wind and state my opinions. But, when outside the nest or one-on-one with people I am a push over. Yeah, I will talk a big game behind their back, but when it's time to deliver my rebuke it takes all the courage I can muster for me to willingly create an awkward and unwanted conversation. In the rare instances when confrontation is unavoidable, as it often is when it pops up out of no where, I walk away from the incident discombobulated and shaking, which is similar to how one feels after a car crash. 

Over the years I have gotten better at asserting and maintaining my position, but winning arguments and successfully ending confrontation favorably for myself is something I have yet to accomplish. I owe my losses to one thing in particular--my inability to deliver quick witted, zinging, discussion ending comments. I am incapable of closing the deal, I just do not have the tenacity. 

Alas, there is a hope on the horizon.  As of late I have been substitute teaching for the Shasta Union High School district, where I am met with confrontation every day. 

"Mr. Tyler, can I go to the bathroom?" 

"No"

"What, are you serious?"

"You just had eight minutes of passing, you don't see me running out of the class room every period to go to the bathroom. Stay in your seat, do your work!" 

Every day I play the part of the bastard sub who follows the rules, and I enjoy it. Sure, sometimes I lapse into past people-pleasing ruts, but for the most part the daily adversity is making me a stronger person. Like yesterday, I gave out my first referral to a student which garnered an in-house suspension for the kid. It went something like this.

"Folks, this is SSR, silent sustained reading, I should not hear any talking"

The class hushes for a few seconds then resumes unnecessary cross-room banter

I raised the tone of my voice "Hey! I said no talking, the next person who talks will receive a referral!"

Kid in front row blurts "Are you serious, that's dumb"

"Try me, I guarantee you won't like the result," I shot back.

I look down at my book and hear an intentional disruptive noise, here I am stuck because I don't know who did it. 

"I herd that" I said, "I'm serious" 

Then it happened,

"blah blah blah," I can't even remember what the kid said, some dumb comment about how the class was gay no doubt, but the important thing is how I responded.

"Ding, Ding, congratulations! You got it, the referral, march yourself right up to that office, I'm calling to let them know you are on your way." 

I picked up the phone and dialed the office feeling not like I just walked away from a car crash, but rather a mild close call instead. Almost, one day, one day I will get it.